Once upon a time there was a sad little girl. She was yearning for the love of her father. For many years, she waited for him to tuck her into bed at night. She wanted him to teach her how to ride her first bicycle. She even looked for him in her teenage years when she received the first of many pimples thinking that no one liked her. She needed her father to wipe the tears after her first broken heart. Her father couldn't be found to proudly watch his daughter graduate from high school or college. He even missed one of the most important days of her life; her wedding day. Her father chose not to be a part of this little girl's life. Over the years, this little girl grew up and became an angry and resentful young lady who felt rejected by her father and in return, she neglected him when her she became an adult. That little girl was me!
I am one of many people in this world who was determined to abandon my father for failing to provide me with the emotional and physical security I needed as a child. I was so angry at him missing out on so many pivitol developmental milestones in my life, that I neglected him when he needed me to take care of him. He passed away in May 2006 and since then, I forgiven myself and him for the abandonment isssues. However, on his birthday this year, January 9th, I met someone else's dad at the Salvation Army soup kitchen. This man was in his 70's and I could tell that he had a hard life. Heck, he was living in a homeless shelter! He talked about having adult children in another state and how he didn't want to shake the peace in his children's lives, so he keeps minimal contact with them. He mumbled the word "forgiveness" and I could tell that he felt unworthy of receiving his children's love although he desired it because he consistently shared that he was lonely. I couldn't help but wonder if his successful, professional children knew that their dad was in a homeless shelter whether they would forgive him and let him reconcile his relationships with them before he died a lonely old man. I'm not saying he wanted to recreate a lost childhood, but to simply forgive his past mistakes for failing them as an "adequate parent."
God requires us as believers to forgive and honor our parents for their position in our lives. I can guaranteed that no matter how good or bad a father's role was in your life, when he is gone, there will be a hole in your heart. It is a piece of your identity that is gone. At least that's how it was for me. I trulyl believe that no one can take the place of a parent in your life. So for this salvation army dad, I pray that God will give him an opportunity to reconcile with his children so the generational curse of unforgiveness and abandonment can be broken. If your dad is still alive, forgive him and honor him in his old age. God will be pleased and so will you.
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Wow, I never really thought about the impact my dad had on my life. I knew who he was, had infrequent visits with him as a young child, even cried when I received word that he had died (I was about 10 years old), but I didn't think of him much after that. I was given only about 5 minutes to grieve his death before I was told to get over it and move on. And move on I did. I am sure his absence was instrumental in the shaping of my life, in the relationships I developed. And now that I think about it, I still do not wonder what my life would have been like with him. It is what it is. I do grieve for others who missed growing up with their dad and the obvious affects it had on them, even my two oldest children. For my two, all I can do is share the good times that they had with their dads and pray that I am doing my best to give them enough love to fill a portion of the void left in their hearts.
ReplyDeleteI too shall pray for the Salvation Army Dad who obviously grieves the loss of his children even though they yet still live. And I pray too for you little girl who so profoundly missed her dad, yet had the faith and courage to move forward and grow.